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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27863781">The Logistics of a Clone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes'>Fictropes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>25 fics advent [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at humour, Established Relationship, M/M, gaming channel era, m rating for sexual discussion: no smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:53:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27863781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t think that’s a clone, though, like maybe more of a Doppelgänger.” Dan doesn’t know why they’re delving so deep into this, why he’s so damn bothered about being right. “It’s just literally you.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Howell/Phil Lester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>25 fics advent [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022262</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Logistics of a Clone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <a href="https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/636504083267813376">based on this ... the best moment</a>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>thanku amy for the prompt!!!!!&lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>“But then there’s another Dan there.”<br/>
<br/>
“I’ll fucking kill him. I’ll fuck and kill him… what?” </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-<br/>
<br/>
“Did you mean that?” Phil asks, trying to shoot for nonchalant but missing it by about three emotions. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Somehow Dan knows exactly what he’s referring to, even though they’d stayed filming for another half an hour— how could he ever forget that double take? He’s thinking about bolting, leaving Phil to fix all the wires because he knows what this is going to be. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The silence leaves room for Phil to talk some more, “Like— do you think it’s cheating?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dan sighs, sits, settles in for the ride. “No, not really. It’s just like wanking but in 3d?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.” Phil’s pouting, visible from tone alone—obvious from the way he’s willingly doing all the tidying by himself, not even asked Dan to move his diet coke can. “Right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><br/>
<br/>
“Right.” Dan repeats, hooking a finger in Phil’s belt loop to tug him away from all the mess. “You pouting over there, Mr Amazing?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He tries—fails— to put on an act of happy, fine, everything is great— i’m good. “I just like think it’s sort of weird, cos sure they look like you…” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And?” Dan prompts, yanks hard enough to send Phil flying back. “Tell me or i’ll trap you on my lap forever, tickle you until you give it over.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Phil just— he accepts it. He’s sat on Dan, and Dan can’t resist wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist, hooking his chin over his shoulder. He spent a lot of time at the beginning of all this wondering how much was too much, if Phil would get sick of Dan wanting to be all over him all the time. Now he doesn’t hesitate to pull Phil in close, to trap him in corners and kiss the life out of him—they’re in love, and trying to dampen down that love is stupid. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know!” Phil whines, tips his head back onto Dan’s shoulder in a way that looks neck breaking but, you know, Phil’s a weird dude— different stuff works for him. “Like what if they’re evil? Like it’s your clone, but they’re an evil clone. You’re fucking the erm— like, the mastermind behind global warming.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dan cackles, loud and stupid, right into Phil’s ear. He complains about it, but only puts about two percent effort into actually freeing himself from Dan’s hold. “You think the other me is digging up oil and setting things on fire for funsies?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just saying like— right? That’s possible. That they’re you, but not you. I wouldn’t want you fucking someone who is upsetting polar bears.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think that’s a clone, though, like maybe more of a Doppelgänger.” Dan doesn’t know why they’re delving so deep into this, why he’s so damn bothered about being right. “It’s just literally you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you’d be alright with self-incest?”<br/>
</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, I know what I like.” Phil does get up this time, or at least tries to— Dan had tightened his hold halfway through the sentence, predicted Phil would draw the line at the suggestion his dick isn’t <em>that </em>great.</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’s silent for a few seconds, sullen in the face of bad sex insinuations. “I know what you like.” </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Never said you didn’t.” Dan presses a kiss to the side of Phil’s neck, trying to get him back on his good side. “Just saying that a clone would be good for when you’re not around, for when the old bed-side drawer special isn’t really hitting the spot.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Phil murmurs, and <em>now</em> he sounds a bit out of it. “Use yourself as sex toy?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.” Dan agrees, and he thinks he’s about to win— something about the way Phil’s slumped back against him. “You wanna use him, too?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Phil seems stuck now. Dan thinks he’s debating the morals behind it, if he just accused Dan of cheating by fucking himself then <em>surely </em>Phil fucking clone Dan is technically worse. “But— crap. Why is this so hard?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno, what are the logistics behind a clone sex toy?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can’t— Dan! It’s like, he’s probably got his own thing going on, right? Like a human being.” Phil wriggles until he’s a bit more right in front, until he can half meet Dan’s gaze. “We can’t just like use him whenever for sex.”</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Obviously not, not if he says na mate, not for me.” Dan can’t imagine himself turning down the offer, though. “What if he likes it?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have to—“ Phil trails off, acts like he hadn't’ even started speaking .</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You were literally about to say pay him.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wasn’t!” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright.” Dan snorts, bumps his knees up just to be annoying— just so Phil clings on to him a little harder. “I think he’d like probably explode after a couple days on earth, you know? World couldn’t handle it, just dissolve him into a pile of goo.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So we fuck him for a couple of days, and then we wake up and he’s green slime on our kitchen floor?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><br/>
<br/>
“Oh?” Dan giggles, delighted that Phil’s apparently on board now. “<em>We</em> fuck him, do we?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><br/>
<br/>
“Threesomes are different to my original might be cheating via evil clone sex argument. Cos like i’m there, you’re there… twice.” He’s reasoning now, digging himself a deeper hole with every word. Dan likes it—honestly—means he’s been right the entire time. “I like the idea of having two— oh, do you think you’d like it from both ends?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Phil!” Dan screams, dissolves into giggles at the insanity of it all. “You asking to spitroast me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><br/>
<br/>
“I mean— yes?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Interesting. Had those thoughts before?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1"></span><br/>
<br/>
“No.” He answers quickly, too quick for Dan to doubt him for a second. “I know you’re known as Mr Jealous, but do you really think i’m letting someone else in our bed? No thanks.” </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if you get confused at the end? You have to pick which one of us to kill and you kill me.” Dan gasps, would put a hand to his chest but he already has a Phil there.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Na.” Phil answers easily, tilts his head just so he can kiss the underside of Dan’s jaw. “I’ll always know it’s you.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/636511784826716160/the-logistics-of-a-clonecomplete-1035i-dont">if u wanna reblog on tumblr ! I always appreciate it :)</a>
</p><p>heeheh. as always, lemme know your thoughts!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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